Dear
by kanya12
Summary: "Katniss" she calls me again, now sitting on the bed, wiping the tears that are still streaming down her cheeks with her hand "Is it all right? May I do something for you, dear?" Then it hits me. This is not my room. It's hers. Effie x Katniss
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. At all. They're Suzanne Collins'. Lucky her. But I'm just happy that she gave them life.**

**So overwhelmed with effniss feels todat, idk..just something that came up to my mind. I hope you enjoy.**

**Set in Catching Fire.**

**Ps, just remember that English is not my mother tongue. Too bad.**

_**KATNISS POV**_

"_The female tribute of District Twelve..Katniss Everdeen"_

Later, on the train, it's almost night when I decide to pour myself something to drink. I need something strong, something that makes me forget I'm on the final road to my death. One more week and I'll be in the arena. Again. And this time I won't coming back but in a wooden box, if it will be something of me left to bury.

I shudder at the thought of the several ways I can die. A precise stab of a knife, perhaps. Or maybe I will be blown away by an explosion. Or someone could choke me with his own hands.

I shake my head, trying to focus on the landscape that goes by so fast under my eyes, out of the window. But it's almost night, and I can't distinguish the things anymore. I just lost my latest occasion to take a look to the beautiful nature surrounding the districts. Oh well. I drink the glass of whiskey I have in my hand all at once. It's strong, I cough because it burns but it's ok. It goes straight to my head, leaving me dizzy. But it's ok. If this is the only way I can forget what's going on, even if it's just for a little while, even if tomorrow morning, when we'll arrive to the Capitol, I will regret it. It's ok, because I just can't afford myself to think, this night. I can't think I couldn't even say my goodbyes to Prim, to my mother, to Gale..but, let's face it. It's probably better this way. I don't think I could bear the sight of my family crying because they know it's the last time they see me alive and breathing and with my heart beating in my chest. I simply can't.

So, it's ok.

The moon is shining in the night sky when I decide it's time to bed.

I force myself on my feet and a wave of nausea hits me, right in the stomach. My head is pounding and I can feel the blood weight in it. I'm heavy and light at the same time. It's an awkward feeling. I can't decide if I like it or not. I try so hard to put one foot before the other one, but after a few little steps I have to lean to the wall to balance myself. My room seems so far away to me, right now. But it's only there..

Finally I reach the door and I slide it open, craving the softness of the mattress, and the warmth of the sheets. It's pitch dark and I find myself trying to reach my bed without knock out anything.

Suddenly I hear something. A sniffling, like someone is crying, rises from under the covers.

"Peeta?" I call out, in a lower voice, thinking it's him the only one who can be in my room. Even uninvited. I begin to feel annoyed by this. Even if I asked him a few times to stay with me at night, I don't like the fact that he does this without my consent.

The sniffling stops abruptly.

"Who's there?" I try again, narrowing my eyes trying to find out Peeta's blond hair or something of his body.

"Katniss?" a thin, female voice rises from the point I'm looking at. Definitely not Peeta's. And there's only one other woman on the train.

Before I can even say her name, she switches on the small lamp next to the bed. The light hurts my eyes and I shut them close, my head nearly breaking in two at the sudden flash.

After a few moments the pain softens and I open my eyes again.

"Effie?" I ask, not quite believing in what I see.

I have no doubts it's Effie the woman in front of me. But for sure it's not the Effie I have known in the past year. The woman in the bed, who's trying to cover herself with the sheets, is smaller, thinner, younger than the usual Effie. She can't be older than 30 and she has blond hair that reaches her collarbones and huge, glossy blue eyes.

She obviously didn't expected me because I can read the shock in her expression.

"Katniss, are you alright?" she asks me in a trembling voice.

I don't answer immediately. I can't help but stare at her, stunned by her look, so unusual to me that I need a moment to adjust.

"Katniss" she calls me again, now sitting on the bed, wiping the tears that are still streaming down her cheeks with her hand "Is it all right? May I do something for you, dear?"

I arch my eyebrows in disbelief and I am about to ask her why should I need something from her when it's her that is in my room. But I hold my tongue when I notice the golden wig standing on the vanity, and the huge amount of eye shadows, lipsticks, and all sort of make up next to it.

Then it hits me. This is not my room. It's hers.

I feel stupid and very drunk.

"No, sorry" I manage to say, trying to focus on the words instead of on the blue eyes that are piercing me "I thought it was my room, I didn't want to wake you up"

"You didn't" she says, the questioning look still in her gaze. She looks down. "Can't sleep very well by the way" she whispers more to herself than to me.

I look at her, now noticing that her eyes were slightly puffy and red for the crying, her hands trembling weakly.

Something pushes me towards the bed until I'm standing next to her. She looks up at me but then adverts her eyes, like she isn't able to bear mine.

I reach out and touch her shoulder with my hand.

"What's wrong Effie?" I ask softly.

And suddenly she breaks. She closes her eyes and starts sobbing, her shoulders fall down and her whole body quivers. Her face is covered by her hands and hair, that hides her eyes and mouth; her whimpering muffled.

I sober up almost instantly at the sight of this always bubbling woman now broken and crying all her tears.

"Effie.." I whisper, kneeling next to her, so we're at the same level.

"It's my fault.." she sobs, not even looking at me, tears falling down and wetting her nightgown and sheets.

"What is your fault?" I ask her, my hand still on her shoulder.

She chokes a cry, lightly rubbing her eyes trying to stop the tears from streaming down.

"I am sending you back there again, you and Peeta.. You are such lovely kids, you could be happy and be married, you could love each other and I spoiled everything, I reaped you again.. I am so sorry, Katniss, I.."

A sob stops her from finishing the sentence, but this time I hug her.

"Shh, Effie, it's not your fault, you don't even think it is" I say rubbing slowly her back "It's not you who decided this Quell, you had no choice, just like us."

She hides her face in the crook of my neck, and I feel her warm tears reaching my skin. I hug her tightly.

"Last year I picked your sister.." she whispered.

"..and it was my choice to volunteer for her, you picked her name between thousands of papers, it's not your fault" I say. It's strange I'm saying this, after I spent all my existence blaming the Capitol for what they do to the Districts. But Capitol doesn't mean Snow, and I learnt that there are people I couldn't help but get attached to. Like Cinna, Octavia, Venia, Flavius..and Effie. In a strange way I stopped despising them, because I can see how much they care for me, for Peeta, even for Haymitch. How joyful they were when we won, how sorry and broken they are now, that we are forced back to the Hunger Games. I don't hate them. Maybe I never hated them.

"You were so brave, Katniss.. you always are" she sniffed "I wish I had a hundredth of your courage, I would have the spunk to refuse to do that, the reaping.."

"You'd have get yourself killed in vane, and we would be here anyway, don't be stupid Effie. You didn't have a choice, none of us did".

I pull away from the embrace and look in her eyes, big and shiny.

"You should think of all the good things you have done to us, Effie. We would never have the opportunity to thank you enough. You have been the best escort to us, you are kind, you care, you can always find the silver lining in all this dark."

She starts to cry again, but this time it was a silent cry. Tears escape from her eyes and they are full of sorrow, pain but also gratitude for what I have said.

I smile softly and I raise my hand to capture the tears and wipe them until they stop falling. She is a mess, her curls disheveled, the collar of her nightgown wet with tears, her cheeks and neck flushed and her eyes glossy.

"You know, you look better without the wigs and the make up" I say, trying to make her smile. Instead, her lips begin to tremble again, and I would do anything to stop her from start crying more.

So I kiss her.

I kiss her on the mouth in a desperate attempt to end the quivering and the pain. If I did it because of something else I don't know. All I can think of is how soft her lips are, how small and cute her mouth is and how wrong Peeta's and Gale's feel like in comparison. I feel Effie stiffen and her breath stifle, and my first thought is that I'm not skilled at all in this kind of things. With Peeta I don't ever go further than a light peck on the lips and he doesn't do anything more because I know he's scared of my reaction. And I am not that kind of person that asks for more, especially with him. Gale's kisses are rougher then Peeta's but he never did something more daring, his kisses only last longer. With Effie is different. I never kissed a girl before, except my sister but it was on the forehead, or on the cheek, and Prim always laughed when I did, while Effie stays still, not reacting. And this scares me a bit, because I kissed her without her consent and maybe she's not enjoying it.

I pull away for air and I hear that Effie's breath is deep and lightly shaking. I feel myself blushing for what I did and I am about to stand up, mumbling "sorry" when she grabs softly my wrist. I look at her and I see her cheeks more flushed than before and her eyes bigger and a bit darker. Then she drops her gaze.

"I..I'm sorry Effie.. I don't know what.." I start, ashamed, I can't even find the right words so I manage to say "I better go.."

Her grip on my wrist tightens and when I look into her eyes I can see something like a plea.

_Stay._

So I kiss her again, molding my lips on hers, so soft, so sweet. I raise my hands and put one on her cheek, and I can feel she's burning hot, and the other one on the side of her face, my fingers brushing slightly her hair while I try to caress her bottom lip with the tip of my tongue. She inhales sharply but she opens her mouth and ad I gently bite and suck her bottom lip she exhale a small, trembling moan.

The sound seems to feed the light flame that was born in my guts, and it becomes bigger, more like a small fire. The hand that was on her cheek now is sliding down her neck, reaching her collarbone and my thumb is rubbing it softly, while the other one just can't leave her hair, silky and scented. My lips don't leave hers when I gently push her down until she's laying on the mattress and I am at the top of her, kneeling down, with each of my legs at her sides. Now I let my hands roam on her body over the fabric of her nightgown, trace the frame of her shoulders, of her small but round breasts, fly over her flat stomach and rest then on her hipbone. Her hands are on my shoulders but they begin to slide over my neck and her fingers sink in my still braided hair, grasping lightly and scratching the skin while she keeps my face still with her thumbs. Our mouths keep moving together, savoring each other and when the need for air pulls us away our lips are bruised and red.

We're both panting even if in different ways. I am very loud and I can't help it even if I try hard to still my breath. Effie has her lips parted but she's more measured and quiet than me and I think it's just her way to be, always posed and perfect.

I look for her eyes and I find they're closed. But as if she's able to read my mind she opens them and our gazes are locked to each other's and I am lost in that never ending deep blue.

The flames in my lower stomach are now a fire, and it's devouring me from the inside. And her hands on me are so light, too light, and I feel like I am losing my sanity.

"Effie" I breathe, and I hardly recognize my voice, so hoarse. Her eyes are staring into mine, and I hope she can see my need and desperation. I don't even care about her startled look when I lower my lips on the hollow of her throat, kissing my way up to her ear.

"Effie, _please_.." my whisper is more like a cry and maybe it's this that makes her react, and suddenly her hands start to move, to caress my body over my clothes, circling my waist and going back with her fingers up to my neck. I let out a small sigh and I kiss her fiercely this time, biting her lip and thrusting my tongue in her mouth. I know I am inexperienced and I know that she can taste the whiskey on me but she doesn't seem to care and the muffled little moans that come out of her throat make me keep going.

My hands reach the hem of her nightgown and start to pull it up to her waist while my fingers test the softness of her thighs. Her legs are skinnier than mine, completely hairless and her skin was like silk under my fingertips. I let my hand roam from the outside to the inside of her thigh and when I reach her underwear I find it wet. The thought that I can make her feel that way makes me shiver and blush. I swallow thickly, then I cup her covered crotch with my hand. She lets out a high-pitched whimper, I don't know if it's for the surprise or because she likes it. Her eyes are wide open now but when I begin to slowly move my hand she squeezes them shut again and shudders. While my hand keep caressing her, I am completely blown away at the sight of how I can make her lose control. I am not kissing her anymore because I can't help but stare at Effie with her lips parted and eyes closed.

After a while she opens her eyes and her hands reach the collar of my shirt. I am still wearing my clothes of the reaping, a blue-grey shirt and matching pants, but at the moment she seems not mind. Her fingers begin to open the first button but she suddenly stops, blinking and searching my eyes, a questioning look in hers. I simply smile at the fact that while I have my hand between her legs she is asking if I am ok with her undressing me. It's so Effie-ish. I nod and she finishes unbuttoning my shirt and makes quick work of my belt and pants. I kick my clothes off, she lets the straps of her nightgown fall gracefully down her arms. Unlike me, she isn't wearing her bra anymore, so I am in my underwear while she has only her panties on. I ask her with a glance the permission and after she nods I lower my hand on her small breasts, palming them carefully, while the other one is still down there. Her moans are moderate, she knows how to be quiet, with her mouth slightly open in silent pleasure.

She reaches my back and unhooks my bra, then hugs me tighter so our chests collide and I whimper while her hands caress my back up and down my spine. I slip my finger under the fabric of her panties and I am greeted with a wet and warm sensation that makes me feel that strange tucking sensation in my guts. I lightly slide my fingertips between her folds and I hear her sharp intake of breath. I do it again and earn the same reaction by her part.

I can remember very few times where I touched myself this way, I couldn't do it often because I was never alone in the house and when I did it was always very early in the morning, while Prim was sleeping. I never finished what I started, after a few moments I stopped my hand feeling ashamed of what I was doing. I have never been as wet as now, by the way. I tentatively move my fingers between Effie's leg, trying to remember where was that point that made me feel that good. I move higher, reaching that little bundle of nerves and I rub it, smiling when I see Effie arching a bit her back to meet my touch.

The feeling I am experiencing goes far beyond my fantasies. I feel Effie's hand tracing my hipbone and sliding my panties down my thighs. Her hand is about to touch me when she stops abruptly, her eyes shut closed, a guttural moan escaping her lips.

"Oh, _Katniss_.." she hisses.

I can't help but smile at her reaction and I slide another finger into her, eliciting another moan from Effie's throat. I am happy I found her soft spot and I start to slide my fingers in and out of her, watching her contorting beneath me. I kiss her, silencing her noises with my mouth, swallowing them, caressing her lips with my tongue while my hand doesn't stop moving. My other hand is in her hair, grasping it lightly and inhaling her scent. When she starts trembling I unconsciously move my hand faster until she comes undone under my eyes, crying out a moan I kiss away.

I continue to kiss her until she stops shuddering and her breath is back to normal. She slowly opens her eyes and I see a tear escape and stream down her cheek and lose itself in her curls. I stare at her, still on the top of her, legs parted and feeling a throbbing ache between them that makes me want to rub them together. I don't want to avert my gaze from hers but before I can do anything she props herself on her elbows and her lips are on mine, soft and gentle, like a spring rain. She kisses me and I close my eyes and I can feel her slowly push me down to the mattress but I don't really care because I am lost in the sensation of her mouth on my skin. Her lips are on my mouth, on my cheeks, on my eyes and my neck, her hands undoing my braid and making my hair fall down in a wavy mess. She combs me with her fingers without a word. Her other hand caresses my chest, tracing the curve of my breast and the frame of my ribcages. She holds my waist while her fingers slide down, between my legs.

When she touches me I almost scream at such an overwhelming feeling. I am about to explode. Her movements are so much more precise than mine and her fingers definitely know where to go. I wonder how much she have enjoyed what I did before, because that simply _pales_ in comparison, but the thought doesn't reach my brain because a new wave of bliss rushes over me, leaving me out of breath. I can't stop the nonsense words escaping my mouth, I think I can't even remember my name. The fear of the Games, the awareness I won't come back home and see my sister again..all gone as Effie lowers her lips on mine, kissing me gently. I wonder if she had done this before but I am quite sure she had, her hands on me so skilled that I can die under her touch.

While her thumb rubs me in a way I can't almost catch my breath, she slides a finger into me and my hips buck involuntarily. I feel the sweat on my forehead and under my back, I am so hot I think I am burning. I open slightly my eyes and I see Effie a few inches from me, looking at me with such adoration and sweetness that I can feel my walls tighten.

"Effie.." I whimper as I feel I am reaching that peak beyond which I don't know where I would go "_Oh_ _God_, _Effie_.."

My hands fist into the sheets but one of Effie's reach mine and our fingers intertwine. I search her gaze and our eyes lock to each other's. Her hair tickles my chest as she comes closer and whispers "Let go" before covering my lips with hers.

And I let go, my cry muffled by her kisses, my hand squeezing hers tightly while the other one grips her shoulder, my nails digging into her skin as I explode in a million pieces, savoring a pleasure I never experienced before.

It takes several minutes for me to come down from my high. Effie strokes my hair while I try to catch my breath and regain a normal heartbeat. When I am quiet she shifts from the top of me to my side, pulling the sheet up to cover my still slightly shuddering body. She circles my waist with her arm while her other hand rubs my back up and down.

I feel my eyelids become heavy, tiredness hitting me all at once.

"Effie" I whisper, my voice thin and yet sleepy.

She caresses my hair gently, hugging me a bit tighter.

"It's ok, dear" she says softly.

"Ok.." I mumble. But I am dreaming already.

**SO long, isn't it? Do I have to continue it? I could both leave it a one-shot or make it a multi-chapter..just let me know if you want. Thanks for reading, enjoy holidays! **


	2. Chapter 2

**So, chapter 2! Very long!**

**The big part in italic is an extract from "Hunger Games – Catching Fire" (ch. 15) by Suzanne Collins.**

**I don't own the characters**

I wake up with a shudder after one of my nightmares took control of my sleep. It's still dark outside but I can feel the sun is about to rise. It must be few minutes before dawn. I shiver again, but this time it's because of the cold. I look down and I find myself wrapped in a bed sheet and nothing beneath. I shake my head while the pieces of the last night start putting themselves together in my mind, and suddenly I remember why I am naked. My eyes widen.

The quiet breathing beside my back makes me turn around and I stiffen. Effie is still sleeping next to me, her expression peaceful and a ghost of a smile on her lips.

_Those lips._

I can still feel their gentleness on my own, as I recall what happened..how much time ago? Few hours I think.

She's unconsciously hiding her body from the sight by grasping the covers with her left arm, while the other one is loosely stretched towards me, a phantom of a previous embrace. Her blond hair falls down onto her face, messy locks tickling her cheeks. So silky. So soft. I lose myself watching her sleep, and I can't remember the last time I slept so peacefully as she seems being doing now.

I take a deep breath and avert my eyes from her figure. I need to think. What I did last night..it felt so right a few hours ago, but now.. My mind flies back and I start examining the flood that led me here, sharing the same bed with my escort.

_I was drunk. _The thought hits me, but something inside of my guts tells me that is nothing but a pale excuse for my actions. She didn't take advantage of me, it was me that kissed her, and undressed her, and begged her for more. And I wanted it. And I enjoyed it. A lot. I didn't do that because I felt forced to, actually it was the first thing I did without being obliged, without cameras following my every move.

It wasn't fake, it was real, oh, so real and so beautiful and so right.

I reach out and I am about to move her hair away from her eyes to behind her ear, but something stops me.

_I can't do this._

I am going to die in a week. And there's nothing I can, _anyone_ can do about this. And the least thing I want is the people I care about get hurt. I am going to die, but what if my death isn't enough for President Snow? What if he finds out about…this? I can't let someone else put his own life in jeopardy for a lost cause. I am going to die anyway. And I don't want this happens to Effie. She doesn't need to get attached to me. No more than she is already. And it's all my fault.

Hate her would be so easy. But I can't hate her. I can't love her, either.

But I can run away. For her sake. Too many people's blood I have on my hands already. Hers won't be one of them.

I grab my clothes and put them on, wanting to leave her room as quick as possible. Once I fastened my belt I glance at her. She has now both of her arms wrapped around her chest, lightly shivering for the loss of my body's warmth. I can't help but be fascinated by her beauty again. And I can't stop my hand from caressing her cheek and my fingers from feathering over her lips, slightly parted.

_I kissed these lips. And this cheek. And this neck. And this shoulder. _I think, unconsciously as my eyes roam over her body. And my own lips are burning, craving to be on hers one more time, to taste them again. I am torn between the need to touch Effie once more and the awareness I have to move away from her as fast as I can.

And while I am stuck in my battle, her eyelids flutter and her eyes begin to open. She blinks a few times and then her gaze is on me, sleepy and wonderful.

"Katniss". She says my name in her thin voice, a bit hoarse for the sleep, as she smiles softly.

I am paralyzed. Stuck here, in front of her, not knowing what to do or what to say. Her expression mirrors mine and her eyebrows furrow as she asks me "What's wrong?" while she props herself on the elbow.

"I-I can't" I stammer, not able to look away from her eyes, two blue pools full of anxiety. I jolt away from the hand she reached out towards my face and I stand up moving backwards, trying to find the door, my gaze still locked on hers.

I shake my head, panic hitting me at full force while she looks at me, worry written in her every feature.

"Katniss" she whispered, hurt in her eyes.

"I am sorry" I manage to say before turning around and stumbling out of the door.

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"Here we are" Peeta says flatly, the four of us all around the breakfast table.

I raise my eyes from the muffin in my hand, still untouched, and I look out of the window. The top of the skyscrapers, shiny background of the Capitol, are now visible beyond the mountains. I focus again on my breakfast. I am not hungry, my stomach closed both for the anxiety of being in the City again (and for the last time) and for the events of the night, still alive in my mind.

"Rough night, sweetheart?" wonders Haymitch, who's collapsed on his chair in evident hangover (his sobriety didn't last much, I see, now that Peeta volunteered for him).

I feel the blush rise my neck and reach my face. With the corner of my eye I throw a glance at Effie but she seems not be interested in what's going on around her. She is mixing her coffee quietly, eyes on her lap. She is back her Capitol self, with a puffy white wig and a delicate pink dress, but she's less ridiculous that usual, her outfit not so lavish and her make up not so heavy.

Then I feel Haymitch's and Peeta's eyes on me.

"Couldn't sleep well tonight" I mumble, hoping that would quit the conversation.

"Well, isn't Lover Boy here for that?" chuckles Haymitch "I recall you sleep quite well when he is in your bed"

"_Haymitch_" Peeta hisses, glaring at our mentor.

"Ok sorry, no one slept well tonight, I got it. Neither Princess here seems to be so effervescent this morning. I haven't heard a single word from you yet, Effie. Bad night for you, too?" slurs Haymitch, turning his attention on Effie, who jumps on her chair when she hears her name mentioned.

"Sorry Haymitch I wasn't listening, what did you say?" she asks politely.

Haymitch blinks and his eyes wander on the three of us.

"Never mind, Princess, you probably are still in your happy, pink, sunshine dream world" he comments before he adds under his breath "And they say _I_ am the drunk here..".

But his words are overcome by the train reaching the station and by the cheers of the people waiting for us.

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"Well, that's all I can do here Katniss. I hope Cinna does his usual miracle" sighs Flavius, shaking his head while he looks helplessly at my face. I know how difficult it would have been covering the bags under my eyes. I nod tiredly and I stand up. My whole body is burning for the wax and my head is pounding painfully.

A door slides and Cinna comes in, greeting me with his white smile and kissing lightly me on the cheek, not wanting to spoil the hours of work my prep team spent trying to make me presentable. His stubble tickle my cheek and I can't help but remember how soft was Effie's skin in comparison.

"So, Katniss. I know you made almost cry Flavius, Venia and Octavia" says Cinna playfully and I smile genuinely like only Cinna can make me. Then his smile softens and his eyes search mine.

"Don't you want to tell me what's going on in here, Girl on Fire?" he says, pointing out my forehead "I can say it's not all about the Quarter Quell". Once again I am dumbfounded by his capacity of understanding me with a simple look. But this time I can't tell him. So I force a smile and shake my head "It's nothing, Cinna, really. I just didn't sleep last night and I am a bit tired and overwhelmed by all of this".

He nods, his eyes still on me.

"You don't have to say anything to me, Katniss. Just know I am a good listener if you'd wanna talk sometimes" he smiles again.

_He puts up my hair first, in the braided style my mother introduced him to, then proceeds with my makeup. Last year he used little so that the audience would recognize me when I landed in the arena. But now my face is almost obscured by the dramatic highlights and dark shadows. High arching eyebrows, sharp cheekbones, smoldering eyes, deep purple lips. The costume looks deceptively simple at first, just a fitted black jumpsuit that covers me from the neck down. He places a half crown like the one I received as victor on my head, but it's made of a heavy black metal, not gold. Then he adjusts the light in the room to mimic twilight and presses a button just inside the fabric on my wrist. I look down, fascinated, as my ensemble slowly comes to life, first with a soft golden light but gradually transforming to the orange-red of burning coal. I look as if I have been coated in glowing embers — no, that I am a glowing ember straight from our fireplace. The colors rise and fall, shift and blend, in exactly the way the coals do._

"_How did you do this?" I say in wonder._

"_Portia and I spent a lot of hours watching fires," says Cinna. "Now look at yourself."_

_He turns me toward a mirror so that I can take in the entire effect. I do not see a girl, or even a woman, but some unearthly being who looks like she might make her home in the volcano that destroyed so many in Haymitch's Quell. The black crown, which now appears red-hot, casts strange shadows on my dramatically made-up face. Katniss, the girl on fire, has left behind her flickering flames and bejeweled gowns and soft candlelight frocks. She is as deadly as fire itself._

"_I think ... this is just what I needed to face the others" I say._

I don't think other words have to be shared on the beauty of Cinna's handwork. I lightly pass my fingers on the fabric and it's so silky and soft and shiny that I can hardly believe the person staring back from the mirror it's me.

"Thank you" I whisper and Cinna winks.

"Remember" he says "no smiling or waving this time. Just look straight ahead, pretending to not notice the entire audience"

"It should be easy" I comment.

A light knock at the door makes our heads raise up.

"The parade is in fifteen minutes, she better goes to the chariot" Effie says, coming inside.

She changed her outfit from before. And if I thought this morning she was pretty, now she was amazing.

Her dress streams down her body like a waterfall of colors, red on her shoulders, pink on her waist and blue down her legs. Her arms are naked and the fabric just covers her breasts leaving her cleavage bare. A dark ribbon circles her waist and puts the dress together before letting the skirt falling down in pastel-colored waves to her feet. Her wig is white like the one she was wearing on the train but her curls now end in tips of color, now pink, now turquoise.

I don't even notice my mouth is slightly open and I can't avert my eyes from her. I feel Effie's gaze scanning me from the feet up and she opens and closes her mouth, I don't know if it's because she wants to say something or she's just catching her breath. Anyway, I feel all my blood rush in my cheeks and I can tell my face is more on fire than my dress.

Cinna looks at me and then looks at her and at me again.

Effie blinks "I.. – fifteen minutes, Cinna. Don't let her be late" and then she's gone behind the door.

We both stare at the door for few seconds. Then Cinna slowly turns to face me.

"Katniss?" he asks, not even knowing if smiling or arching her eyebrow in disbelief.

I blush deeper.

"Oh my God, Katniss" he whispers speechlessly.

"Cinna, I-" I begin but then I bite my lip because there's nothing I can say about what just happened.

He grins and shakes his head.

"Say nothing" he smiles again "I got it".

Then he escorts me to the chariot, where Peeta is already waiting for me.

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I close the door of my room in the penthouse behind me. I am exhausted and dazed from the noise the audience is capable of. I can almost still hear them shouting my name.

_Katniss – Katniss – Katniss_

I walk to the bathroom and wash my face, looking at the black stuff streaming down my skin and ending into the sink. I wash it again and again until nothing black or gold or silver is left. I put the crown off of my head and I carefully lay it on my vanity.

I look at myself in the mirror and I now recognize my features, my eyes a bit less terrifying without the make up, my cheeks red for the brushing, my lips paler without the dark lipstick. But it's me.

My ears roar.

_Katniss – Katniss – Katniss _

The noise in my head is so loud I almost miss the knock at my door.

"Who's there?" I call with a tired voice.

Instead of answering, the door opens and Effie slips inside. I stand in the middle of the room, watching her approaching, still in her wavy dress.

"Hi" she says quietly, when she is a few meters from me.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, instead of returning the greeting. I can't believe she's in my room. She can't be here, it's too…what? Dangerous? Yes, for her it is. "You shouldn't be here. It's not safe".

"Now you talk like Haymitch" she says, smiling lightly "It's not strange for an escort to check on her tributes. And we need to talk."

"About what?" I spit, trying to keep a safe distance between me and her.

Her smile clouds.

"Katniss" she whispers "Come on..talk to me. I don't understand your behavior, that's all. I promise I will go away but you have to tell me something. Please.." her voice trembles.

I shake my head weakly. Of course she doesn't understand. I come to her room, comfort her, kiss her, touch her..and leave her. I know she deserves an explanation but what can I say? I don't understand my feelings either, I just know I don't want her in danger because of me.

"It was- it was a mistake. I didn't know what I was doing, I shouldn't have stayed there, I should have left when I had the opportunity" I say, not looking at her anymore because, God, those eyes are so blue and so big and I can't..

"That is not the truth, I know it and you know it" she says "I didn't want you to leave, and I am so happy you didn't.."

My lips begin to quiver and I force my eyes to harden, and when I glare at her I can see the startled look in hers.

"You're happy you had your chance with me before I die?" I growl, while all my being screams me to stop, that it isn't what I think. But I can't.

She looks like she's been slapped in the face.

"I know it's not what you really think, Katniss, I know you, I have known you for a year now and.."

"..and so you think you know me, don't you? One year? People who grew up with me can't tell they know me, either" I say, sarcasm filling my words.

"I know enough of you to tell you're lying to yourself. Please, Katniss, don't shut me out.."

"I am going to die" I shout. Why doesn't she just get it? "I am going to die, I am not shutting you out, I want you to understand that I will be gone in few days and you can't do anything to change this."

I see her eyes water and she swallows hard.

"Katniss, please..I-" but she can't finish the sentence because I am on her, kissing her hard and roughly, biting down her bottom lip while I push her against the wall. I don't know what made me snap, maybe the way her tongue pronounced that _please_ or how the _s_ of my name seems so turning on if it's her to say it.

But I am also mad, oh so mad at her because she doesn't understand how dangerous can be for her..what? Love me? Like me? Kiss me? I don't know and without thinking I thrust my tongue in her mouth and she moans quietly, her hands on my shoulders, pushing me away weakly.

"Katniss, wait.." she breathes, pulling away from the kiss, searching my eyes with hers.

"What?" I force myself to say, while I am slowly breaking because, God it is so wrong "All shy on me now? You came here for this, after all, don't you?"

I lower my lips on her collarbone and she gasps but still she push me away.

"No, I came here to talk to you. Katniss, look at me.."

She holds my face between her hands and forces me to look at her. Her eyes are full of worry and questions I know I have to answer to. I start to tremble, tears behind my eyes beginning to escape but I push them back. I won't cry. Not now, not here, not in front of Effie.

"I don't want you to get hurt because of me. There so many people I love whose life I put in danger, I don't want you to be in danger more than you are already. I couldn't hate you last year, when I didn't know you and now.. I don't.."

Her eyes are glossy, like she is holding back her pain as well.

"Oh Katniss" she whispers "why don't you let me make my choices, once I can make them on my own?"

"Effie.."

"Trust me" she smiles.

I swallow the lump in my throat and nod, and then she leans in and kisses me feather-likely on the lips. I close my mouth on hers, shuddering, her hands still holding my face, and her lips are impossibly softer than I remembered. Then she pulls away, opening her eyes and looking in mine.

"I made my choice, Katniss. What's yours?" she whispers.

I don't even think of Peeta, or Gale as I kiss her again, this time gently and softly. My hands slide down her body to rest on her hips, while my tongue brushes lightly against hers. She returns the kiss with such delicacy I moan in bliss. The lighter her kisses are, the brighter the flame inside of me burns. I push her further into the wall, grinding slowly my hips on hers and she shivers, a little noise escaping her throat and she pulls away from the kiss, gasping for air. My hands are now holding her face while I let my lips wander down her neck and suck lightly the skin of her throat. When I go back up I find her lips parted and her head thrown back against the wall, and I swear I have never seen something more amazing. I slide my fingers under her wig and I carefully put it off, letting her real hair fall down so I can inhale her scent.

I slip the straps of her dress down her arms and I kiss her shoulder, and the subtle angle where it meets her neck and she gasps, while her hands are on my back searching and easily finding the zip of my dress. The feel of her hands on my bare skin is so pleasurable it's almost unbearable.

I pull her away from the wall and towards my bed, not caring of moving the sheets so much is my want for her. She manages to slip out of her dress and I caress her breasts, palming them and then brushing my lips against one of her nipples. She squirms and opens her mouth but when I swirl my tongue around it she arches her back.

"Katniss.." is all that she can breathe, my name, and the way she says it somehow turns me on even more.

I suck carefully that little pink nub and then the other one, and I simply can't get enough of her. My lips find hers again as my hand push her panties down her legs and my fingers lose themselves in her wetness and warmth. The sensation is even better than the last night.

"Oh shit, Effie.." I whisper in her ear while my fingers slide up and down and I hear them do a light slick noise as they move.

She is too out of breath for scolding me about my language and I start to circle her clit a bit faster as I push my middle finger into her. She lets of a little cry and she grasps my hair, making me kiss her while my finger in her moves faster and faster.

Suddenly she reaches out and stops my hand.

"Wait" she breathes, her voice a bit unstable. She moved so I am now beneath her. She manages to undress me (because I am still wearing my costume) and then all I can think about is her mouth on mine, her gentle nibbling my bottom lip with her teeth while her hand parts my legs and touches me carefully. I blush at the sensation of how wet I am but she simply smiles and kiss me again on the lips, then on my collarbone, then on my cleavage, then on my stomach. I prop myself up on my elbows and I watch her rising her eyes on me, her hands rubbing softly my hipbones. Our gazes lock together, she gives me a reassuring smile and then lowers her lips between my legs.

I cry out at the sensation and bite down my lips trying not to lose my sanity while she licks my slit with a slowness that nearly kills me. My hips buck instantly to meet her tongue that is exploring me in a way I didn't believe possible before. Her hands grasp my sides to steady my movements that are becoming erratic and out of control, while she continues to lick me and slowly slides a finger into me.

I throw my head back and squeeze my eyes, biting my lips so hard I can taste my own blood, because I know for sure I would scream if I didn't.

Then she closes her mouth around my little bundle of nerves and I am lost, and I don't care if I cry out her name while the pleasure hits me like a storm from the inside. I don't care because I can't control myself anymore and neither I want to, so much amazing this feeling is.

From my half-closed eyelids I see her raise up from between my legs and lean on me, kissing me hard on the lips as she grinds her hips on my still shivering body. I let out a weak whine but she starts to shake and a low, guttural moan escapes from her throat as she collapses on top of me, panting and with her eyes closed.

I hug and kiss her until she lets out a shuddering breath and I feel her body relax against mine. I kiss her on the temple and comb her blond curls with my fingers. Her make up is slightly smudged under her eyes but this ruffled Effie, so unusual to me, is so cute and beautiful that I hug her tighter. She nestles against me, her nose lightly brushing the skin of my neck. She kisses my shoulder, I pull a strand of her hair off her face.

_It feels so right._


	3. Chapter 3

**Here I am. SO sorry you had to wait for weeks and weeks but I have my exams during this period so updating has become more difficult:( Btw hope you like this chapter!**

**Don't own nothing (and I'm so sad about it).**

I step out of the shower and I wrap a towel around my dripping body. The first day of training didn't go bad. It was so much easier than the last year, when I was scared and I couldn't even show my skills. Now everybody knows that bow and arrows are my weapons, so I don't have to hold myself back this time. Although last year I was nervous because I wanted to win and it's funny that now, when I know for sure I won't come back, I am more confident. The Games always take place in summer and this is a particular hot one so I don't bother to dry my hair. I let it fall wet onto my shoulders and I love the sensation of relief it gives me.

I tried not to start a conversation with anybody. I don't want the other victors to find me friendly or something. And especially I don't want to find _them_ friendly. It will only be more difficult and horrible to kill them. Because at the end this is what is going to happen: I'm going to kill them, one after one until it will be only me and Peeta left. And then.. and then I hope Plutarch Heavensbee creates a lightening strong enough to kill me painlessly and quickly. Because I know for sure that Peeta would rather kill himself than kill me, or than let me kill myself. And because I am not sure I would have the strength to end my life. Maybe someone will kill me before the others are all down. But I hope not. Because in that case I am not sure Peeta would have chances, or, if he has, I am not sure he would take it. My mind flies back to Twelve, where my mother and sister are, and I hope they won't be too broken by the loss. And I hope mom, or maybe Gale, will cover Prim's eyes to not let her see the death of her only sister. And Gale.. I can't even think about him. It's too painful.

Only five days left.

I sigh deeply. I open one of the drawers and pull out a pair of trousers and a simple black tank top.

I have only five days and there's only one person I want to spend them with.

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Effie's door is right in front of my own and it's easy for me to sneak inside her room. I slide the door close again and I look around.

It's the first time I see her room. It's a little bigger than mine, but I think it's normal because she is an escort from the Capitol while I come from a District. A queen size bed dominates the room, huge with its pink sheets and giants feather pillows. I imagine Effie sleeping into this bed, crying over one of her tribute's death or dreaming peacefully like I saw her do the night on the train. I imagine her moving in that bed trying to find the most comfortable position. I imagine Effie slide one hand down her body and touch herself in the dark of the night..

I blush slightly and I feel the now familiar hunger start to devour my stomach, while I walk towards the door that leads to the bathroom, where I see the light is on.

Effie is wrapped in a towel very much similar to the one I was wearing a few minutes ago, and she is drying her hair with a smaller towel. She is with her back towards me so she can't see I'm here but I have a perfect visual of her shoulder blades and of mostly all her slender legs. The hunger inside of me grows.

She reaches out for the hair dryer and I decide it's time to make her aware of my presence.

"Leave it wet, it's hot here" I say and I feel the corners of my mouth curve upwards at the sight of her squealing for the surprise.

She turns towards me pressing one hand on her chest.

"God Katniss! Don't do that ever again! I almost.." she leaves the sentence open. Then she notices the look in my eyes and she blushes a little and I find myself thinking of how cute she is when her escort's façade is down and without all the crap she paints her face with.

"You should have told me" I add, pointing at the towel "I took a shower less than ten minutes ago. We could do it together. You know, to save water".

She blinks repeatedly while her cheeks redden more, her mouth slightly open.

"What happened to the pure and innocent Katniss Everdeen?" she grins, amusement in her blue irises.

"I outgrew her" I whisper back before I kiss her softly, running my hands into her wet honey curls.

She kisses me back gently, her hands onto my shoulders (without high heels she is few inches smaller than me). I slide my tongue into her mouth and the kiss grows deeper and hotter and I slide my hand to undo the knot that keeps the towel up. She stops me. I pull away from the kiss, slightly confused and she smiles sweetly to me.

"It's supper time, dear. We really don't have time right now" she whispers, panting a little.

Right. Supper. Where Haymitch and Peeta are waiting for us.

"Okay" I say, and she smiles, then she leads me to the door.

"Now who's shutting me out?" I joke, and pout my lips trying to look cute.

She giggles a little then she lean in and kiss me briefly on the lips.

"I just want you to find out later what kind of underwear I put on"

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We're all around the table, eating the last bits of turkey, when Haymitch starts to talk about alliances.

"I have to say I am impressed, sweetheart" he says nodding towards me "More than half of the tributes want you as an ally. You have just to pick the ones you want. I suggest Finnick, he's a good guy, not to talk about his excellent skills and the huge amount of sponsors ready to lick his.."

"Haymitch! Language!" Effie scolds him, throwing a glare at him.

Haymitch rises his arms in surrender and then turns his attention back on me.

"I want Wiress and Beetee" I say.

"Johanna calls them Nuts and Volts" Peeta says flatly, clearly disappointed.

Haymitch looks as exasperated as him. "Ok, who else?"

"Mags" I say and this time even Effie looks at me like I am crazy.

"What?" I snap.

"I'll tell them you have still to make up your mind" says Haymitch, pouring himself a glass of wine. Then he addresses a pair of questions to Peeta about alliances but my interest for that subject is inexistent. I look quietly at Effie, who's sitting next to me. Haymitch and Peeta in front of us are busy with their conversation and are not paying attention to me anymore.

I pretend to smooth the napkin onto my lap and I reach out one hand until it touches Effie's knee. She jumps slightly as I touch her, throwing a startled look at me but I pretend not to see her and I move my hand slowly upwards rising the hem of her dress in the meantime. She glances anxiously at Peeta and Haymitch and I do the same, but they are still talking about something I don't care about.

I move my hand towards her inner thigh andsee Effie's head fall downward a little from the corner of my eye and her mouth slightly open. I caress her there slowly, still moving until my fingers touch the silky fabric of her underwear, and I fight hard not to smile when she parts her legs a little. My index and middle finger start to rub her, drawing circles onto her covered flesh, and she closes her eyes, gritting her teeth not to sigh.

"Is it all right Effie?" Peeta asks out of the blue.

She snaps her eyes open but I don't remove my hand, on the contrary I stroke her a little harder.

"Yes" she answers a bit too quickly "Perfectly all right dear, why do you ask?" her voice is more high-pitched than usual and I try not to laugh.

"Don't know, you look..strange. It must be an impression" he concludes and she nods vigorously. Then Peeta gets up and I have to remove my hand.

"I am exhausted, I'm going to bed" says Peeta "Goodnight".

After we wish him a goodnight Haymitch announces that he's going out with Chaff for a drink, and leaves the penthouse. As soon as the doors of the elevator close behind him, Effie grabs my wrist and drag me towards her room.

She closes the door behind us and she pins me to the wall. Now that she's wearing her heels she's as tall as me and she looks me right in the eyes.

"You have had fun before, haven't you?" she whispers onto my lips.

I inhale sharply when she brushes her lips onto mine and then let them slide on my neck.

"Hadn't heard you complain" I answer and she looks up at me again, her pupils so dilated that her eyes are almost black.

"It was definitely not ladylike my dear" she say but I can hear the grin in her voice.

"Too bad I'm not a lady, huh?" I joke and I kiss her deeply, biting her bottom lip just to hear her moan in my mouth while she fists her hands in my hair and pulls me to her.

I kiss her for a while then I push her until her legs hit the mattress. I make her sit down and I crawl onto the bed behind her and I slide one hand under her wig, carefully removing it. Her real hair falls down and I move it to one side of her neck while I lower my lips onto the other one. I can feel her close her eyes as she flexes her neck to meet my kisses, letting out a sigh.

I don't stop kissing her while I unzip her dress. My hand caresses the just uncovered skin of her back and I find out she's not wearing a bra.

"This is definitely my favourite kind of underwear, if you ask me" I whisper huskily in her ear, nibbling her earlobe and she moans, turning around and kissing me hard on the mouth. It's sloppy, all tongue and teeth but I like it, and the hunger in my guts wakes again.

I kick my clothes off me and I push her down onto the sheets, pinning her wrists at each side of her head. Her dress is onto the floor but she doesn't seem to care. I kiss her lips and then her cheeks, her neck, her collarbones. I suck on her nipples and she squirms beneath me, trying to free herself from my grip but, honey, I'm stronger than you at this game. I have her wrists in one hand while the other slides down her body until it stops right on her belly.

"Do you want me to continue what I was doing at dinner?" I ask and she nods, lifting her hips a little bit. I draw the frame of the waistband of her panties with my fingers but I don't remove them yet. I like this game and I want it to last a little more.

"Where are your manners, Effie?" I ask stroking her lightly "I missed your _please_"

"Katniss.." she breathes and I stroke her once again over the fabric "God, Katniss please.."

I smile and I slid her underwear down her legs. She kicks it off and parts her thighs a little while I kiss her on the lips and slide my middle finger onto her slit. Her hips buck instantly and she lets out a whimper. Her eyes are shut closed and her mouth a little open. I rub her clit slowly, oh so slowly she tries to lift her hips more and more, looking for a friction I don't want to give her.

"Stop teasing me Katniss" she growls at some point, managing to free her hands and taking one of mine in her own. Then she guides me between her legs and makes me touch her the way she wants. I'm fascinated and I can't help but look down between our bodies to her hand that pushes mine until it hits the right places. I kiss her, stroking her hair and every time she gasps for air I pull her to me again because I'm always hungry for her soft lips. Her cheeks are flushed and I smile to myself, thinking about her reaction at dinner.

"Good thing you had your make up on before" I pant in her ear, while I slide two fingers into her at once "You blush too easily, and you call _me _innocent"

"I think you will always surprise me, you girl on fire" she answers in between pants.

I rub her clit hard and I feel her walls tighten.

She digs her nails into my shoulders as she comes and I kiss her, swallowing her cry. I kiss and kiss and kiss her until she relaxes against the pillows.

"Shh, it's ok" I whisper between two kisses, caressing her cheek.

I wait for her to open her eyes before pulling out my fingers of her. Our gazes lock and I put my fingers in my mouth, curious about what would it feel like. She tastes sweet and salty and I try in vain to find a taste that would match hers. But she's unique and incredible, nothing and nobody could ever match her.

"Effie?" I ask for her attention and she immediately gives it to me "Can I ask you something?"

"Whatever you want, dear"

"You.." I bite my lips, trying to form a decent sentence "You have done this before, right? I mean..before me.."

She stiffens a little and looks at me, clearly not expecting this question. Then she blinks and reaches out to stroke my hair.

"Yes, I have"

It sinks slowly into me and also a little painfully, and it's strange because I knew the answer even before she gave it to me. It was so obvious, I knew it since the first time. However it hurts, like something had stung me right in the chest. She seems worried about my sudden silence.

"Katniss, I-" she begins but I stop her with a kiss. It's slow and sweet and full of emotions.

"You don't have to explain yourself with me. It's ok" I whisper, pushing my forehead against hers. We stay like this for a while. I run the tip of my index finger onto her eyebrows, nose, lips, jaw.

"Effie?" I ask again.

"Yes dear?"

"Can I ask you one more thing?"

She waits for me to speak and I feel the blush rising on my face.

"Can you.. can you do the thing you did last time?" I ask in a small voice, and I blush because I feel like a child right now, like all of my self confidence has gone.

She stares at me right in the eyes, then captures my lips with hers, working the flame in my guts into a fire with a simple kiss and I wonder how she can do it, but then her tongue dances across my jaw and neck and I can't think anymore.

I'm in such a bliss that I barely register that she has flipped our position and I find myself beneath her in a heartbeat. She caresses my breasts and closes her mouth on my nipples and I moan because the ache between my legs grows quickly and it's almost unbearable.

She seems to understand it because in a second she is caressing my clit while she kisses her way down with her mouth through my stomach.

She parts my legs a little more and I prop myself on my elbows to see what she's doing.

"Lay down" she says and I comply, because I trust her and I trust the pleasure I will feel in a few moments.

Her tongue on my flesh is quick and warm and surprisingly I feel myself every second wetter than the instant before. She lick and sucks onto my clit and I can't stifle a deep moan.

"Oh _God.."_

"Do you like it?" she asks me, her voice raspy and her breath hot against my centre.

I don't answer but I reach out and push her head against me, lightly grasping her hair.

She keeps kissing and licking and doing things until I feel my thighs tremble and then she quickens her pace, rubbing my flesh a little bit more roughly with her tongue.

I cry out her name when I come. I can't help it and I hope nobody heard me. But at the moment I don't mind so much.

She kisses me and I can taste myself on her and it's one of the hottest things I experienced in these days. It's like I can't stop kissing her, like I could never be sated.

I smile and she smiles back, and also her eyes are smiling. And she is so beautiful and so sweet and so perfect.

I don't want to fall asleep. I want to contemplate her forever.

I don't want to fall asleep.

I don't..


	4. Chapter 4

**Softer one but quite a revelation. I'm not very sure about this one. Let me know!:]**

I am nestled against Effie's chest, inhaling the scent of her skin, while her fingers play with a strand of my hair. I very much like the sensation I feel when she cuddles me. She's sweet and caring, like a mother or a older sister.

Except she isn't.

I can't quite define what she is become to me. Just a few days ago she wasn't nothing more than my escort, and now we are..what? Lovers? But lovers are people who actually love each other, and I can't say I love her. Yes, I mean, I like her as a person, I like sleep with her, I felt jealous when she said that she's been with other women..is this love? How should I know? I don't know what being in love feels like. I've never been in love. And actually I don't think I will ever be in love with someone considered how little time I have left to live.

But Effie..she's beautiful and lovely and lovable and if I'd be asked I would say that I do. I do love her. I just don't know how to intend this word. _Love_. I am sure I care for her. I am certain I enjoy the time I spend in her company. I want her to feel the same way towards me. Is this love?

Goosebumps create onto my skin when her fingers brush lightly up and down my spine and I shiver, getting closer to her and hugging her a bit tighter.

"Katniss dear" I hear her voice coming out in a whisper. She doesn't stop combing my hair, thought.

"Mmh?" I mumble, rubbing my nose somewhere near her collarbone.

"It's two in the morning, dear..shouldn't you go get some sleep? Today is going to be hard, isn't it?" she says, her hand still caressing my head.

"No, it's going to be the same that yesterday. Breakfast, training, lunch, training, dinner" I kiss the skin of her shoulder and she exhales a shivering breath "I don't want to waste the little time I have sleeping".

Effie's breath itched this time and I curse myself in my mind. I am a little blurred because, yeah, it's late actually, and I know I shocked her with my last statement.

"I didn't mean it to come out this way" I whisper, propping myself up to face her. Then I lean in and kiss her on the lips. She sits up and deepens the kiss, one hand on my cheek and one behind my neck. I open my mouth as I feel her tongue brushing my bottom lip and I moan quietly. When things start getting to heated she breaks the kiss and smiles briefly at me, but I can read the pain in her eyes.

She lays down again and again I nestle against her. She chuckles.

"You're not going to sleep, are you?"

"I am not" I murmur "except you want me to leave"

"I don't" she whispers back and I smile against her skin.

We stay silent for a little while, then she asks "So, if you don't want to sleep, what would you do?"

I settle in a more comfortable position.

"What about talk?"

She raises an eyebrow.

"Talk?"

I blush lightly and she laughs softly.

"Alright, dear. What would you like to talk about?"

"Who are the other ones you've been with?" I blurt out. That question has been torturing me since she told me about it last night. I know it's wrong to be too curious but I want to know before..

The laugh dies on her lips.

"Is it that important?" she asks, dropping her gaze.

"No, it isn't if you don't want to tell me.." I say quickly, too quickly.

She sighs "Then yes, I guess it is".

"It's just...I need to know it. I can't explain you why because I don't know the reason, either" I whisper, searching her eyes.

She finally looks at me.

"It's ok, dear" she says with her usual tone. She takes a deep breath. "What do you want to know?"

_Everything_, I would say. But I think for a moment before speaking again.

"Have you always been into women?"

"I'm into women as much as I'm into men, dear. I'm into whoever I'm interested in"

"What kind of person are you interested in?"

She smiles and kisses me lightly on the lips.

"I like people with a strong temper – _kiss – _I like beauty – _kiss – _I like bravery – _kiss – _I like kindness and care" she caresses my hair "you have all these qualities, Katniss. I'm very much interested in you"

I blush slightly, dropping my gaze.

"And since when have you been interested in me?" I whisper.

She looks at me for a while.

"I was impressed when you volunteered for your sister. Here comes your strong temper along with the bravery, not to talk you've had to face death more than once. Then I saw you in Cinna's dress, I saw you catch fire in front of the nation, here comes your beauty. I've watched you with Rue and Peeta during the Games, here's your kindness" she doesn't avert her eyes "I can tell I liked you from the beginning, and I tried to show you how much I cared. I know it's hard for you to believe an escort but.."

I silence her with my lips, swallowing the words that were about to come out her sweet little mouth. She doesn't need to say that. I don't want to hear how stupid and diffident I've been for all this time.

"I wish I'd understood it earlier" I murmur, my forehead pressed against hers.

"It's ok" she says again "You understand it now, you're here with me. That's is all I care about"

I look at her, drinking her in, with the sheets wrapped around her torso and with her hands holding them in place. With her hair dishevelled falling onto her shoulders and without her makeup. Her blue eyes big and shining, her lips parted.

God she's beautiful.

"There was another girl, a long time ago" she says breaking the silence. And I feel a sudden pit in my stomach at her words "I assume you wanted to know about her..?"

I just nod, torn between silencing her again with a kiss, not truly wanting to hear about this other girl, and my curiosity. No need to say I let the last one win the fight.

"I noticed her since the Reaping, too. Yes, she was a tribute. It was my third year as an escort and she was eighteen years old. That would have been her last Reaping if I.." she swallowed thickly. I can't say a word. She was a tribute and she was from Twelve. I am the only living tribute from Twelve. I know already the end of this story.

"I found her crying in the penthouse one of the very first days. She always looked so strong to everyone, I was quite surprised to find her in that condition. I asked her if there was something wrong..how stupid of me" she comments bitterly "And when she didn't stop crying I hugged her, not knowing what else to do. I recall my mother always did when I was scared or sad"

The memory of the first night on the train, when she hugged me crying over my destiny, flashes through my mind.

"She hugged me back and the next second she was kissing me" Effie presses her lips together.

"She died after the ninth day of the Games. I watched the Career from District Two cut her throat" she looks at me, her eyes now filled with tears "It's been eleven years and there's no night that passes without her face coming up to my mind, white and lifeless, her eyes empty and filled with her very last emotion: fear".

I know I'm crying the moment my tears reach my lips and I can taste their salty taste.

"What was her name?" I whisper.

"Maya" she says "Her name was Maya"

And suddenly I see her. She's tall and I'm just a little girl who hides behind her father's jacket at the Hob. I see her warm hazel eyes and her sweet smile and her cheeks freckled, while her long brown hair falls down her back. I see her handing me a strawberry, ruffling my hair before going away.

"Maya Lange?" I ask.

She lets out a sob and covers her eyes with her hands.

"I know her brother" I murmur, more to myself than to Effie "He's one of Gale's best friends"

I was too young to watch the games, then. But once, not a long time ago, Gale introduced me Thom. Then he told me his friend's sister died in the Games. But I didn't pay so much attention to that. It's not a big surprise the death of a relative, in Twelve.

"She once told me about her little brother. Every year I have the terror of picking his name out of one of those bowls" she whispers, in between sobs "And when I read someone else's name on the paper I feel bad anyway..You don't know how much I hate myself, Katniss"

I don't know what to say, and I've never been good at words or big speeches. So I lean in and hug her, rubbing her back softly and stroking her hair. She hugs me back, her nails digging into my flesh but I don't care. She hides her head in the crook of my neck and I can feel her tears wet my skin.

She mumbles something I don't catch.

"Did you say something?" I ask her.

She lifts her head but she doesn't look at me.

"I don't want this to happen again" she whispers, chocking a sob.

I feel like a thousand-pounds-rock is let fall onto my stomach. I feel sick, angry and sad. Because I know what will come next.

"Effie.." I start but I find out I'm not able to continue, so I hug her tighter and she breaks again and throws her arms around my neck, holding me close.

"I don't want to watch you die"

Her whole body shakes with cries.

"Please, _please, _don't die Katniss"


	5. Chapter 5

**Hiii! The part in italic is from "Catching fire" (ch.11). **

**As usual, I don't own the characters.**

"_I guess this is a bad time to mention I hung a dummy and painted Seneca Crane's name on it," I say. _

_This has the desired effect. After a moment of disbelief, all the disapproval in the room hits me like a ton of bricks. _

"_You ... hung ... Seneca Crane?" says Cinna. _

"_Yes. I was showing off my new knot-tying skills, and he somehow ended up at the end of the noose," I say. _

"_Oh, Katniss," says Effie in a hushed voice. "How do you even know about that?" _

"_Is it a secret? President Snow didn't act like it was. In fact, he seemed eager for me to know," I say. _

_Effie leaves the table with her napkin pressed to her face._

I watch her walking away and I have to suppress the impulse of standing up and follow her. Is she crying for Crane? Did he mean something to her? I look around and my gaze lays on Cinna's eyes, that are staring at me, and I know he's trying to tell me something but at the moment I can't focus on anything but Effie.

I am still a bit annoyed for the things she has said, and I am not referring to the things of a few minutes ago only. My mind flies back to a couple of nights ago, when she has begged me not to die in the Arena. Things are slightly changed since that night. I couldn't afford to let her getting more attached to me. She's going to be devastated for my death, that is certain. And all I can do is trying to ignore her, even if it's killing me before the time, and in a lot more painful way than any Gamemaker could do. All I can do now is constantly remind myself the reason why I'm doing it. I am doing it for Effie. For her sake and safety. I am doing this for Peeta. He can still have a life, run his own bakery, back in Twelve, fall in love with a good girl, so much better than the girl I could ever be.

In the background I hear Peeta inform Haymitch about our decision not to ally with anyone.

"Good. Then I won't be responsible for you killing off any of my friends with your stupidity" he says bitterly, downing a glass of wine into his throat.

_Haymitch_ I think_ we're doing this for you, too. How would you feel like if one of us kills one of your friends after we have showed friendship? _

But I don't say it out loud. I already know Haymitch is going to be the one hurt the most: he knows every tribute and they're his friends. Too much pain he already had to suffer.

Suddenly the TV switches on by itself, and we move to the living room because our scores are about to be shown.

Both me and Peeta gain a Twelve. I whip my head around to face Haymitch, but no one feels like celebrating.

"So that the others will have no choice but to target you," says Haymitch flatly. "Go to bed. I can't stand to look at either one of you."

I stand up and I feel dizzy. It's like I am failing everyone tonight.

Peeta reaches one hand out towards me but I don't take it. Instead I run upstairs and up again, until I reach the roof door. I slam it open and I fill my lungs with the fresh air of the artificial Capitol sunset.

I breathe deeply, trying to let it all in.

I miss my woods.

I miss Prim and my mother.

I miss hunting with Gale.

I miss Effie's kisses. Staying away from her is tearing me apart. I feel so much pain inside that it's like I am not really breathing. I feel the need to cry right now, but tears don't seem to want to fall.

I feel so bad I feel nothing anymore.

"Katniss"

Cinna's deep voice wakes me up from my train of thoughts. I turn around and he's looking straight into my eyes.

I don't say a word but he doesn't need words to understand me. He walks towards me until he's right next to me. Then he takes me into his arms. And then, finally, I am able to cry. And once I start it's like I can't stop anymore.

Sobs shake my body while Cinna wraps his arms around me rubbing warmly my back.

"Shh, it's ok Katniss. Let it all out"

"It's just-" I sniffle against his shoulder "I don't know what to do, I don't even know what I feel- I am so scared.."

He pulls away from the embrace and looks at me, wiping a tear from my cheek with his thumb.

"You'd be a fool if you didn't, Girl on Fire" says Cinna "You are strong and brave but only fools fear nothing"

"I'm not afraid to die" I whisper, not looking at him "Or maybe I am but not in the way everybody thinks. I-"

"-you don't want the people you love to get hurt" he finishes and I nod.

"I caused so much pain already" I say "And now there's nothing I can do for them"

"Well, you can try not to shut people who loves you out" he says.

I lift my head so suddenly my neck hurts. He's still staring into my eyes and in his I see understanding.

"Did she-" I whisper.

"She told me she has upset you"

"She said she doesn't want me to die" I say sadly "I can't do this for her, Cinna. If I could, I would. But I have Peeta to think about. He deserves to live..to survive at least"

"Ignoring her won't fix that" he says wisely "It will only make things more painful"

"I don't want her to get attached" I utter firmly.

"It's a bit too late for that, isn't it?" he smiles in front of my silence.

"She told you about Maya" it is not a question and I lift my head again to face him. I nod.

"How do you know?" I ask.

"I've known Effie for a long time" he says "When Maya died she came to me. I hadn't ever seen her like that before. She was this broken that I thought she couldn't ever be fixed"

He looks up at me "She's been with a lot of people after that, trying to forget. She has never been happy, thought, until you showed up. I have seen her fall in love with the Girl on Fire, not like everyone in the Capitol did, but deeply and truly"

"She doesn't love me" I say.

"Trying to convince yourself of a lie won't change the truth" Cinna's warm eyes transfix me "I see the way she looks at you. And by the way you look at her I'd say the feeling is mutual"

"I-" I begin "I don't know what I feel. I don't know what being in love feels like, Cinna. How can I tell?"

"I'm sure you'll figure it out by yourself Katniss" he tells me, smiling "Go to her"

He caresses my hair and then he turns to leave.

"Cinna" I call him back "What about Seneca Crane?"

He doesn't smile when he speaks "They were very close when they were younger. They had a fight a few years ago.. Still, his death has upset her badly"

My heart falls to the ground. Of course she was shocked when I said what I've done.

"Oh.." it's all I am able to say.

"Go to her, Katniss" repeats Cinna, pushing me gently towards the door.

I don't look back.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I stand awkwardly in front of Effie's door, hand risen trying to get the courage to knock.

I can't figure out what I'm going to say to her and I remember Cinna's words, and the fact he has said she loves me and I love her back.

For one moment I think about the possibility of entering her room without knocking but then I remember how much Effie cares about manners and I don't want to upset her more than she is already.

So I take a deep breath. I inhale and exhale. Then I let my fist fall twice on the wooden surface.

_Knock – knock._

"Go away Haymitch" I hear her voice from behind the door. It's thin and shaking, she's probably crying again.

"Not Haymitch" I say as I walk in.

She is sitting before her vanity, various tissues tossed around, wearing her nightgown. Her wig is already off and so is her makeup, partly removed by herself, partly by the tears. Her eyes are red and puffy and they're piercing mine with such an intensity I have to struggle not to look away.

"Are you waiting for Haymitch?" I ask to break the odd silence.

"I'm not" she says "I just thought it was him..I didn't expected you.."

"I know" I murmur "I didn't expected to be here myself, either"

She still looks at me.

"Then why are you here?"

"I want to apologize.." I begin, but she stands up, suddenly stopping me.

"I am not sure I want your apologies" she murmurs, eyes filled with tears "I don't want them if you are going to leave me again. I don't want them if you don't really mean them. I don't want to hear you're sorry if I'm nothing to you. I-"

It's my time to not let her finish because my lips are on hers, swallowing that harsh train of words. She moans quietly, immediately relaxing against me, and molds her lips on mine. I sink both my hands in her hair, pulling her against me, scraping the nape of her neck with my nails.

There it is, the flame that sets the Girl on Fire ablaze.

There it is, that feeling that pervades my whole being.

It is not just desire. It's something deeper, stronger, it's something that envelops me from the inside to the outside.

And I kind of understand at once what Cinna meant.

I do love her.

I deepen the kiss, opening her mouth with my tongue and then sucking her bottom lip in between mine. Her hands fly from my cheeks to my shoulders, to my back, rubbing it slowly and sensually.

I feel the urge of having her closer, what is difficult, because we're already impossibly close, only our clothes in between us. I feel hot, my fingers leaving her hair to take off my own shirt. Her hands immediately replace mine, lifting the hem and pulling it over my head. Our kiss breaks only for few seconds but even in this short time I feel frustrated such is my hunger for her.

"God, I missed you" she breathes against my lips, one moment before I begin to kiss her neck.

I lick the shell of her ear and I bite softly her earlobe and she exhales a shaky breath. My hands slide on her hips and I start to push her towards the bed until the back of her knees hits the mattress.

I make her sit down onto the bed and I slide the straps of her nightgown down her shoulders, slowly undressing her not stopping kissing her impossibly soft lips.

Her skin is burning against mine as I position myself on the top of her, covering her body with my body, my hands tracing her features, making her shiver.

I look into her blue irises, glossy and clouded with desire. She looks me back and as usual I'm lost in her beauty.

"You didn't let me finish before" I whisper "You still don't know what I was apologizing for"

She frowns, searching into my eyes the explanation. And she's doing right because it is right there, in my eyes, so full of love and gratitude for her. But I know also that she doesn't see it, just because she thinks I don't reciprocate her feelings.

"I wanted to apologize because I haven't been able to understand my feelings until someone opened my eyes on them" I murmur, not daring to look away from her eyes, even if I can already feel my cheeks flush.

"I'm sorry it has taken me until tonight to find it out" I continue. My heart pounds so hard in my chest I'm sure it will jump off my ribcage.

"To find out what?" she whispers, almost paralyzed.

I take it in. I let the feeling fulfill me. Then I let it out.

"I love you" I say, and my voice is not unsure but firm and secure "I love you, Effie"

Her lips part in disbelief, her eyes widen, she inhales and opens her mouth like she's about to say something but nothing comes out. But I can see it, the joy, the happiness the tears that become to sparkle in her eyes are made of.

I kiss her and I put in this kiss all my emotions and all of my love, because I need her to understand it's true and it's deep and real. I kiss her again and again and I can't tell in between which kiss she begins to cry. I kiss the tears away from her skin, while she hugs me tightly and whispers "I love you, too" in my ear once, twice, ten times.

"I know" I manage to say while I kiss my way down her body, molding my lips over one of her nipples, down her stomach and belly button.

I lay one last kiss on her hipbone before raising my head and looking at her, and I know her big and dark pupils are matching mine, like I'm in front of a mirror.

"I've never done this before" I say, the heat onto my cheeks telling me I'm blushing.

"You don't have to.." she tells me, but the look of pure desire in her eyes is enough to spur me to go ahead.

"I want to" I reassure her "Just..just tell me if I'm doing it wrong"

She nods, parting her legs a little. I can see she's soaked wet already, and I lick my lips instinctively before lowering myself in between her legs. I caress her thighs briefly and I take a deep breath.

The _mewl_ she lets out as the tip of my tongue touches her sends electricity straight into my centre. I glance at her: she has her head thrown back, her hands fisting the sheets. Her chest rises and falls very quickly.

I lick slowly her slit from her centre to her clit and then I slide my tongue between her folds. She tastes unbelievably, and the more I go on, the more I feel hungry for her and the sounds she makes are driving me crazy. I slide one of my hands in between my own legs, trying to give myself some relief while I circle her bundle of nerves with my tongue. At this she kind of cries out a mixture of words, her accent more high-pitched and thick than ever and this turns me on even more.

"Katniss.." she whimpers.

"Is it ok?" I ask, but I smile because I already know the answer, her body itself is giving it to me.

"Yes" she breathes "Please, don't stop..don't…"

I lap her folds a little more quickly, my thumb rubbing circles onto her clit in a slower motion.

She squirms uncontrollably under my ministration, her skin flushed and her eyes shut close.

I slide two fingers inside of her at once, while I lick her where she aches most. It's matter of few minutes and I feel her walls tighten around my fingers. She moans my name as she comes, the force of her orgasm shaking her body like a storm.

When she relaxes I reach her lips and I cover them with mine. She kisses me fiercely, her tongue tracing the outline of my mouth, tasting herself on me.

Looking straight into my eyes she reaches down and caresses me, sliding her middle finger between my folds. I am so turned on that it takes only few strokes to make me lose control. I slump over her, breathing loudly.

She kisses my forehead.

"Thank you for this, Katniss" she murmurs.

I rub my nose against her neck.

"I love you"

"I love you, too"

_**A.n. Tell me about this one, hope it's not too sugary**_


	6. Chapter 6

**Very long chapter. **

**Warning: heartbreaking goodbyes.**

**As usual, I don't own the characters. **

Cinna finishes to adjust the hem of my wedding dress so that it perfectly covers my feet, trapped in a pair of as gorgeous as painful high heels. I feel big, like a voluminous and wispy cloud of cotton candy. I try to make a few steps and I feel exhausted.

"How does exactly this dress weigh?" I pant and Cinna smiles.

"I had to modify it a little bit" he says and then winks "Try not to lift your arms, the fabric is very delicate. Or, at least, wait until the very end".

I don't quite understand the meaning of his words, but I have only the time to throw him a confused glance because I hear Effie's high-pitched voice near us, accompanied by the usual click-clack of her stilettos.

"One minute, Cinna. Is she ready?" she says in a hurry right before stopping abruptly and looking at me with her mouth slightly open. I have to suppress a shiver of arousal at this because even if she's all painted with makeup and wrapped in a plumed fuchsia dress, so bright that my eyes nearly hurt, she's still stunning and ravishing. When my eyes meet hers I find them glossy with tears and I feel myself a lump in the middle of my throat.

"Oh Katniss" she whispers, approaching me, her gaze scanning me from the feet up "You..you would have been the most beautiful bride".

Her voice is shaking a little and my instinct drives me to take her hands in mine and squeeze them tight.

"Thanks" I say, whit a shadow of a smile.

She seems to put herself together because returns the squeeze and when she looks at me I can see how determinate and angry she is.

"Let's go show them what real beauty looks like" she says.

She escorts me down the corridor that leads to the backstage. Chaff is in the middle of his interview and I try to focus on what I am going to say to Caesar, to Panem, to my family but what I really can think about right now is how much I am craving Effie's lips. Just one kiss, I am way too nervous and I have to calm myself down.

"How are you feeling?" Effie asks, glancing nervously at me, her voice betraying her anxiety.

_Shitty. _I would like to answer. But I know I have to seem strong and secure.

"I'm fine" I say. We're quite at the end of the corridor, right before a corner. No one in sight. So I pull Effie towards me and I press my lips against hers. She makes a high pitched sound, clearly not expecting this, but immediately relaxes and her lips are soft against mine. She tastes weird, a combination of cherry, sugar and something else, probably because of the lipstick, but I don't care, because this is a part of Effie, too. And I want to enjoy every bit of her tonight, the last night.

"Well, _this _is unexpected"

The voice behind us makes the both of us startle. I whip my head back so quickly I almost lose my balance only to see the hazel eyes of Johanna Mason piercing mine, an odd smirk painted on her face.

By my side, I see Effie stiffen, looking paler than usual for being caught red-handed.

"Relax Girl on Fire" the District 7 girl scoffs, not averting her eyes from me and Effie, the smirk still on her lips "I won't tell a soul. Who would have told? Our little, innocent Mockingjay not so innocent.."

She looks at Effie, scrutinizing her, arching her eyebrow at the sight of her outfit, so Capitol, so eccentric.

"But _really? _Your escort out of all?" she chuckles in disbelief "I'd thought that you would prefer someone, you know, more like you. I would bet my axe she has the Capitol seal tattooed somewhere under all this…_stuff" _she points at her dress "But who knows? Maybe Trinket here is actually pretty when she doesn't look like a clown"

I glare at her and in this moment I wish my eyes could kill.

"Leave her alone" I growl. The shock of few instants ago is quickly mutated into rage.

Her smirk only increases.

"Calm you down, brainless" she hums "We're not in the arena yet. You'll have plenty of chances to murder me tomorrow. Now enjoy your three minutes in the spotlight, and you'll better make them worth it"

I watch her walking away, and I turn toward Effie. Her eyes are full of tears, I don't know if it's for the shock or for Johanna's words.

"Hey.." I whisper "It's ok, she's not going to tell anyone. She can be vile and mean but I don't think she.."

"I'm fine Katniss, really. I have endured the jokes of Johanna Mason for years" she says quietly, not quite looking at me "Now you better be your happiest self, it's your turn"

As she says that, I hear Caesar's voice call my name, and the next second the lights of the stage are blinding me.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He did it.

Peeta did it again.

He drop the bomb that neither Johanna Mason could have expected, and suddenly I'm pregnant with his baby. I'm pregnant and I am a Mockingjay. I could have killed Cinna for what his dress turned out to be; why does nobody understand how much dangerous all of this is? Seems like they're enjoying putting their lives in danger. And for what? A lost cause like I am. Snow is going to kill me in one way or another, and there is no chance it is not happening. And now with all these tricks of theirs they're burning every single opportunity for Peeta to come out of the arena alive.

"There's no chance they cancel the Games. They can't" I mutter, staring blankly at a point before me. Peeta put one hand on my arm and squeeze lightly, not saying a word in understanding.

I exhale a shaky breath, covering my face with my hands. I feel like I'm sweating cold and a shiver runs down my spine.

Haymitch's voice drags me out of my thoughts.

"The baby-bomb was a stroke of genius, but they're not going to stop the Games" his voice is sad and he can't quite look at un in the eyes "This is a goodbye for now".

I feel the lump in my throat from before come back stronger and heavier. The tears behind my eyes sting but I refuse to let them fall.

"Presents for the boys" says Effie, a fake smile plastered on her quivering lips. I look at her while Haymitch and Peeta unwrap their tokens, a golden bangle and a golden medallion. They're pretty much speechless but finally Peeta manages to say "Thank you Effie" and with that her façade seems to break completely.

She burst out in tears in front of all of us.

"I-I'm truly sorry" she sobs uncontrollably "You both d-deserved so much b-better"

She hugs quickly Peeta and me and then she hurries out of the room, unable to face us longer. The three of us stare into each other's eyes.

"Thank you Haymitch" Peeta whispers hugging him, our mentor, the man who make us come out alive from the arena once and sure like hell is going to try to do the same this time, at least for one of us. I don't think I ever considered someone more like a father to me after my dad's death.

"Any last advice?" I ask, trying to smooth the tension.

He looks at me and smiles sadly.

"Stay alive" he says and then he turns around to leave.

"Haymitch wait!" I call him back and the next second I found myself wrapped in his arms, like I was when I had just won my Games last year. I want to say him lots of things, to make him know how much thankful I am to him, how much I love him, like a daughter loves his father. But all I manage to say is "Remember our deal. Do whatever it takes to save him."

He nods quietly.

"Katniss, when you are in the arena.." he stops briefly "Just..just remember who the enemy is"

Then he goes away and it's me and Peeta left in the living area.

"Come to bed?" he asks me.

"I have to do something" I say, looking softly in his blue eyes. He nods and walks away and I know I'm being cruel to him, that this is the last night we can sleep in a real bed, not worrying for each other's life.

"Peeta I-" he stops, waiting for me to finish "I don't want to ally with anyone else but you"

He smiles, but it's not a happy smile.

"If that's what you want"

"It is" I state.

"Okay. So, see you tomorrow" he says, closing his bedroom's door behind his back.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I have seen this scene happening one hundred times in these few days. Me standing in front of Effie's close door, not sure about what I am going to do. I raise my hand, then I take it down. What am I gonna say? How can I say goodbye? Because this is what is going to be. A goodbye, a real one. I'm not coming back. And I'm scared, oh, so scared. A part of myself wants desperately to live, so I could see her again, see her happy again. The other part, however, has accepted to die in these Games a long time ago.

I take in a deep breath and I finally knock, not knowing what is going to happen. And neither I want to know.

I walk in without waiting for her invitation.

Effie is sitting on the edge of her bed, emotionless and like empty. She's not changed her clothes yet, she's still wearing wig, heels, makeup and that big puffy dress.

"Hey.." I say tentatively.

She looks up at me, eyes filled with tears that have not dried yet on her cheeks. I sit next to her and I pull her against me. She leans in and puts her head onto my shoulder. I caress softly her arms and neck, trying to find out something to say, to comfort her in some way.

"It's all going to be alright" I whisper in her hair "You are going to be alright"

I won't show weakness. Not in front of her. I have to stay calm. Breathe, Katniss. In and out. In and out.

"I wished this day would never come" she whispers on my skin.

My grip on her shoulder tightens a little bit.

"It's not tomorrow yet" I whisper back "We still have tonight"

She looks at me. I lean in and kiss her. Softly. Sweetly. Lovingly. I can taste salty tears on her lips this time.

"Come with me" I say, standing up and pulling her along with me. I walk towards the bathroom, I make her sit on the edge of the bathtub while I wet a towel. I kneel in front of her and I gently begin to remove all her makeup, that is now smudged under her eyes for her crying.

Once I have finished her face is a little reddened but clean and I can finally see her big blue eyes without the huge amount of eyeliner, eyeshadow and mascara. Without saying a word I pull off her wig and I watch enchanted her curly blond hair fall down.

"This is your real golden token" I smile to her before kissing her again.

This time she kisses me back, molding her lips onto mine, caressing the sides of my face and tracing my hairline with shaky fingers. I am still on my knees before her, my hands first on her kneecaps and then I move them higher to stroke her thighs under the dress. I feel goosebumps form on her skin once my fingers have touched her and I smile briefly, deepening the kiss sliding my tongue between her lips.

She groans and pushes herself closer to me, her hands slide from my face to my neck and shoulder and then my back, slipping under the fabric of my shirt. Her hands are quite cold, so I shiver and she mumbles "Sorry" against my lips.

I am dizzy. I'll never know how she can do this to me with simple kisses but she does and it's an amazing sensation. I stand up abruptly and I drag her onto the bed so she's now beneath me. We're both panting quite loudly and while I try to catch my breath I begin to unzip her complicated dress and she makes quick work of my shirt and pants.

I kiss her stomach, her breasts, I lick the hollow of her throat and I feel it vibrate with a guttural moan. I try to be careful to not leave any marks but it's so hard. Her skin is soft and scented and the sounds she's making turn me on so much. I want to savor every inch of her, and tattoo everything in my mind because when the time come she will be my last thought. And I want to remember her perfectly.

I slide my hand back down her body, paying homage to the soft curve of her breasts, to her flat stomach, to the hipbone, before reaching her warm and wet womanhood.

As I touch her she hisses like she's burnt herself and a wave of excitement goes straight to my centre.

I start to stroke her slowly, parting her folds with my middle finger and rubbing her up and down. I maintain the rhythm slow on purpose. I want it to last as long as both of us can bear.

She spreads her legs a little bit more, looking for some friction and when I deny it to her she lets out a frustrated groan.

"I can't..Katniss..I need.." I smile as she stutters nonsense and I keep circling slowly, oh so madly slowly, her clit. Then I lower myself onto her lips and I take her lower lip in between my teeth, pulling and nibbling at it, teasing her.

She takes the opportunity to slide her own hand down between our bodies and when she reaches mine she covers it and pushes my middle finger into her. Her breath itches in her throat and I moan at the sensation, beginning to slide my fingers in and out of her while I feel more wetness pooling in my lower abdomen. She shifts one of her legs onto the mattress and the next moment her thigh is between my own legs, pushing against my heat. I grind against her while I urge my fingers in and out of her more quickly and erratically. My head is hidden in the crook of her neck, I find her pulse and I suck briefly on it and she moans.

"Come for me, Effie" I whisper into her ear before raising my head to look into her eyes.

"Look at me" I half say half order. She opens her eyes and I smile, suddenly curling my fingers inside of her.

I didn't quite expected her reaction. After a few seconds she starts to tremble, her hands grasping my arms and her nails digging painfully into my skin. She opens her mouth and what comes out it's so loud that I have to cover her lips with my hand to prevent her to scream. I still my other hand, allowing her to ride out her orgasm. I remove the hand that is on her mouth and I replace it with my lips, while her walls are still clenching around my fingers.

Her eyes are closed now and I rest my forehead against her, while she breathes deeply, trying to calm the pounding of her heart.

When she has regained her breath she sits up, leaning against the headboard of the bed and she gestures me to do the same.

"Come here" she says, her voice still a bit quivering.

I am about to nestle against her, like we always do afterwards, but she says "Not like this" and she settles me so I am sitting in between her legs, my back resting against her chest.

Behind me, I feel Effie gather my hair and move it on one side. Then she begins to kiss me from the nape of my neck to the side, from my shoulder back to my spine, while one of her hands slide down my chest, palming my breasts and pinching my nipples.

I close my eyes, leaning in the sensation. Her hands are now warm and the skin she touches burns. She doesn't stop peppering light kisses onto my neck as her hand reach down between my thighs. My cheeks redden furiously at the feeling of how much wet I am. Her fingers slide easily between my folds and despite this I try to widen my legs further to feel her better.

"Effie.." I moan as she slides her index and middle finger into me at once and my hips buckle on their own accord. Her other hand that was resting on my shoulder moves to my breasts and begins to squeeze them lightly, first one and then the other.

"You're stiff Katniss, relax" she whispers into my ear and I moan again when she takes my earlobe between her lips.

I can feel behind my back that she's wet again and I shift backwards, trying to move closer to her. She lets out a whimper at the contact and she pumps her fingers in and out of me faster before pulling them off and rubbing roughly my clit. She repeats the operation for three-four times before I feel that familiar sensation that announces my approaching orgasm.

"_Effie.._" I whine, sounding like a plead more than everything else.

She seems to understand because she rubs my clit one more time before pushing roughly her fingers into me. My hips trembles and I rock against her hand furiously, throwing my head back onto her shoulder. I'm shivering like I am in the middle of a snow storm but I am not cold, on the contrary I am burning hot, sweating and panting.

I turn around to face Effie and I kiss her fiercely.

"I love you" I whisper.

Her eyes are full of tears again. She nods.

"I love you too, my Mockingjay" she whispers back "No matter what will happen tomorrow. I will always love you"

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When I wake up in the morning I find her still sleeping, nestled to my side. Her beautiful blond hair is scattered onto the pillow and her breath is regular.

I look at her for one more minute, aware this is the last time I see her.

But I don't wake her up. Nor me nor she can bear a goodbye.

So I slide out of her door and out of her life, towards my death, my heart already breaking at every step.


End file.
